In my month (ish) of soul searching or whatever you'd call it I haven't really come to whole lot of interesting conclusions. To be honest, it was kind of disappointing. Like, I realized that I still don't like a whole lot of the things I do on a daily basis, but that I do fundamentally still enjoy playing poker for a living. I do not want to quit. I also realized that I cannot actually affect change regarding most of the things I don't like. What I can do is change how I react to them, and in that regard I am going to be much more diligent and hopefully short circuit a lot of the rage and frustration that comes with this territory. But that's pretty wishy washy, right? I mean, for a month of soul searching that is rather weak sauce.
But wait, there's more! I've realized that one thing I can actually change is the fact that a good bit of my frustration comes from a general lack of confidence, or more specifically making mistakes. If I get bludgeoned over the head by cold decks it really doesn't bother me that much. Sure it gets under my skin a little when it's done by certain high grade scum bags, but in general I take it pretty well, and I'm going to try to take it better by simply not reacting. What pisses me off the most, though, is when I butcher a hand or miss an opportunity to outplay somebody. I can't stand that shit. So what am I going to do about it? I'm actually going to take a renewed academic interest in the game! Amazing isn't it? I've been remiss in studying for far too long, and I'm just simply not going to let it slide anymore. I'm going to play poker for a living, and I'm going to be a soul crusher. I'm not just going to limp along and beat the snot out of these idiots the same way day in and day out. I'm going to study, talk hands, watch videos, think outside the box, reject dogma, become intimate with range equity calculations, and in general just work to destroy people. Pete has been saying this for a long time, and for some reason I just wasn't ready to listen to him. But I am now. I'm going to work hard, get better, and hopefully at the same time eliminate one of the biggest stress points in my daily life. No more West Wing, no more Law and Order, no more waiting around for Danielle, no more any of that shit. Podcasts in the car, lots of hand emails, study sessions with a good friend down here all the time....getting better at limit hold 'em is now, day in and day out, priority one. It is above playing, it is above Danielle, it is above the gym, it is above everything. This will be the way of things, and it will be glorious.
4 comments:
This post made me laugh because just 4 weeks ago, I read this:
"So from now until I get laid off, poker is my last priority. Everything else comes first. Housework? First. The gym? First. My dogs? First. Danielle? First. My parents? First. Friends? First. Softball? First. Every single thing in my life is going to get prioritized over the act of playing poker for a living. If I don't feel like playing, I'm going to quit immediately when my shift ends. If I have ANYTHING else to do whatsoever I'm not going to play on my days off. If the game goes over night or needs help in the evening, I am not going to give a flying fuck. Poker is last and that's all there is to it. This is the least drastic measure I can think of that has some chance of actually working, so it's the one I'm going to implement. And come March 1st, I'll hopefully have some more information and maybe be able to make an actual, real, painful decision regarding what exactly I'm doing with my life."
So of course, why wouldn't I now read this!
"No more West Wing, no more Law and Order, no more waiting around for Danielle, no more any of that shit. Podcasts in the car, lots of hand emails, study sessions with a good friend down here all the time....getting better at limit hold 'em is now, day in and day out, priority one. It is above playing, it is above Danielle, it is above the gym, it is above everything. This will be the way of things, and it will be glorious.
I look forward to the post next week where you tell us how much you have overrated poker videos! :)
Yeah but notice the subtle but important difference here. Last time I was focused on PLAYING poker being last. Now I'm focused on getting better at the game coming first. Actually playing is still going to get a seat pretty far towards the back of the bus.
Shifting focus from playing to learning/improving every session is the nuts. lookin fwd to seeing results imo
I had this experience as well. Playing regularly without consciously working to improve is a recipe for stress and (unfortunatly) getting worse.
Best case scenario, you'll stay at exactly the same skill level as when you stopped learning.
Through conversations with PokerJeebus and my wife Judith, I came to realize that my reasons for continuing to play poker with such fervor came from:
1 - My desire to be recognized as an expert
2 - My desire to learn
3 - My fear of losing my job, and not being able to find an alternative form of income.
As soon as I put this into words, I realized that I could better accomplish all these goals by going back to school, and proactively learning relevant skills that would qualify me for my dream job. I was able to actually quit playing poker, and had 2 amazing job offers within 6 months.
Poker might seem like a relatively easy shortcut to financial success, but its one of those things that end up being the hardest way to make an easy living.
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