Monday, January 24, 2011

Shit My Dad Says

As many of you already know, Danielle is a huge Packer's fan, and this morning my father decided he would try to play peace broker between us and provide a jumping off point for breaking down the match ups in the upcoming battle of titans. Here then I give you just the most recent shit my dad says:

I am going to act as Jesse's surrogate in this because I don't want this to lead to domestic discord between the 2 of you. I have big shoulders and can take as much as you give. I assume Tyson is for the Stillers. The furry guy for the Packers. The cat is oblivious to everything. The snake I will not comment on.

First I have been cyphering and have calculated that:

The force of (4.026) x (pi) x 1 Cheesehead = The force of 1 Terrible Towel. There will be a lot of Terrible towels in Dallas.

Also. The Force of Myron and the Chief will be with us.

As to the 12th man. Packer fans are great but Stiller fans are the best in the world. Knock, Knock, Knockin on 7ins Door.

Actually I think it will be a very close game. Probably decided by a turn over or lucky play Something like 28 - 27. I don't think it will be low scoring.

At QB. Rogers is the most accurate QB I have ever seen. He escapes the pocket like Houdini. He runs as fast as a white RB. He is 3 times smarter than Favre. He grows a nice beard. Big Ben (The Polar Bear) just gets it done. He has already won 2 Super Bowls. He has realized it's the team not him. His beard is a little below standards. Slight advantage Packers unless the Stillers get to Rogers and start knocking him down. Getting to Ben will not affect him.

Wide receivers. Packers are tremendous. Jennings is a superstar. Driver is a tuff dude who does not drop passes. Jordy is a great possession WR. Jones is great if he does not drop it. Wallace is a future superstar. He beat Reavis but Ben under threw him. Hines is just Hines. He never drops a pass and makes it on 3rd downs. The youngins Brown and Sanders just get better every week. Advantage Packers. Randel will throw and complete a big pass.

Tight ends. Quarless has potential but he is not there yet. He was always in JoPas doghouse till he found Jesus. Miller is very, very good, both blocking and catching. Spaeth is OK. Johnson is now the fullback. I will discuss later. Big advantage Stillers.

OF Line. Both are suspect. If Pouncey plays I rate them even. If not advantage Packers. (Maybe Ligurski can grow some arms).

Running Game. Sorry but even though the Packers have Shippensburg Kuhn, they suck. They will not gain 70 yards and the Stillers will not have to put 8 in the box. Stillers will be able to run it. Mendenhall ran like never before last week. But in the 1st half they did have TE Johnson playing FB. He cracked many defenders really well. Big advantage Stillers.

Def Line. Stillers are good but big advantage Packers even if Smith plays.

LBs Packers are good but Stillers 4 are the best in the league. Harrison or Woodly + Rogers = fumble or Rogers carted off the field. Big advantage Stillers.

Def Backs. Rating all 4 the Packers are better. But the Stillers have Troy. Slight advantage Packers.

Special teams. PSU Kapinos is OK but nowhwere near Sepulvada. Suisham has been good and is the equal of Crosby. No great return people on either team except maybe Jonathon Brown for the Stillers. Rate it even.

Ass Coaches. Both Lebau and Capers worked together under Cower to develop 3-4 zone blitze. Even as I see it.

Head Coach. Both deserve consideration for coach of the year. Packers lost like 17 guys to IR. Stillers had Ben suspended for 4 games, lost both starting OF tackles, lost Arron Smith, Troy out 2 games and probably not at 100% for many more. I did not like Tomlin at first cause I thought he made dumb decisions and sometimes I think he still does. But he gets them to play. Advantage Stillers.

When I say 28-27 I am sure it will be Stillers 28 Packers 27. Stillers don't go to the Super Bowl to lose.


Burg said...

The best thing about this Super Bowl is that Jerry Jones and his Cryboys finally get one and they have to watch the Packers and the Stillers. The 2 organizations that have tormented them the most over the years. More tears will be shed.

Tha O Dogg said...

It always seems to come down to who has the best ass coach, doesn't it?

RFC said...

Cheeseheads made in Wisconsin. Terrible Towels also made in Wisconsin. advantage Packers.