So I arrived at HG today and checked in at 12:06:57 (they have a digital clock above the board). This was noteworthy because my callin time was 11:36, meaning I was due to come off the board in three seconds, which would have left me 5th up instead of 1st for the single 20/40 game.
35 minutes later I'm informed that the player in seat 8 isn't coming back after his 20 minute lobbying time has expired. Someone seat changes and I get the 4, which is currently in the HJ, one seat too late even for me to post in. So I wait 5 hands and for some reason, probably the 45 minute delay, decide to post as the natural big blind instead of waiting one last hand and posting "between", which you're allowed to do at HG and was my custom in the Bay Area (you can't do it at Commerce which is also another reason I sorta didn't bother, I've grown accustomed to taking the natural big blind). Anyway....
My post-in goes off without a hitch; I lose $20 and that's that. So my next hand I am the SB and realize that thanks to the modern two deck shuffling machine system, this hand will be dealt exactly as if I had waited to post until now. Curious....
Someone raises a limper and I behold the 85cc. He gets two cold calls and I chuckle, knowing full well this is a hand I'd play if I only had those 2 more chips out there. But as it is I fold and the pot goes off 5 ways.
I should have not watched. I should have just looked away and let the outcome, to me, remain unknown forever. But I could not look away because I was SURE of what was about to happen. The PFR bet and like 3 players called. Obviously in a pot of this size I'd have peeled for one bet, and honestly considered calling 2 cold. And right on cue.
My check/raise would have been called by 3 players. As it is the river is seen 4 handed.
The preflop raiser's AK takes it down, with one player playing police and claiming a kicker deficiency. The other two players both lament their bad luck in holding JT. Were I in the pot it would have been about 20 big bets, 15 or so of them profit, or two days worth of EV.
Why do I torture myself like this? Why can't I just let it go? I need to learn how, and soon.