Generally Discouraged

As could perhaps have been predicted (or at least was accurately predicted by Danielle, which really pissed me off) the morning schedule didn't stick.  The first three days simply did not go well, and to be honest it's not that hard to figure out why.  Firstly (and most importantly) that time of day sometimes just isn't a good one to be trying to play poker.  You can find some of the best games you'll ever see, for sure, but that's the exception, not the rule.  More likely you'll spend hours (literally hours...on day one I was on the 20/40 board for 3.5) on lists, or there won't be games, or there will be games but they'll stink.  And that last part is kind of the kicker....If the game is somehow strong and amazing, nobody quits it and you can't get in.  And if it's kind of not that great, then sure you can have a seat.  On day one I played over four hours of 60/120 that I would have NEVER played under almost any other circumstances.  The game wasn't very good, and on top of that it's texture (this is another problem I ran into frequently) was poor for me.  To this day I am most comfortable in full ring situations with fish making extremely passive mistakes.  The games you find at this time aren't usually like that (although I suppose some of the 20s are) as a rule, and instead tend to be full of people spewing their brains out with reckless aggression.  Now I'm not saying I can't play and win in those games, but they simply aren't my best bet.  And there were other problems...one day there were a pair of 40/80 games and I had to deal with ours almost breaking.  And there are still argumentative assholes.  I don't know why I thought there wouldn't be.  And on top of all that stuff it just...sucked.  One day I still ended up sitting in some traffic....5:40am, pitch dark outside and somehow I am literally stopped on the 5.  And quitting the games at 3pm just wasn't very easy or practical.  So...yeah, I called it off only three days in.  It could also have had something to do with losing every single time I sat, but I think I was able to objectively assess that at least some of that losing was because I wasn't in good spots.

So that has me a little discouraged.  I honestly believed that schedule might help me deal with the growing discontent I've been feeling lately.  Maybe I was just being naive, or maybe I needed to believe that SOMETHING, anything, could help.  It doesn't really matter why, all that matters it that I thought I had a shot and the whole thing was just a complete failure inside of three days.  So now what, then?  In order to take such a drastic measure as attempting to sleep from 8:30pm to 5am, I had to be in a pretty rough spot to begin with, right?  Things weren't going well...and honestly they weren't.  So that means I can't just keep doing what I'm doing, right?  Well probably not, I suppose.  The only real change I have made in the days since is that I'm simply not bothering to fight my way in during traffic.  I've been starting my day at the bike more often than not, but that's just really been a complete mess.  Most days I've been playing the new promotion, which is called simply "30/60 triple draw with the employees) and that's been treating me pretty well.  But the game just dies sometime in the afternoon (today we busted all the fish by 2:15 and I headed over to LA's friendliest) and honestly it's just not worth even going over there if there isn't some chance I'll get to spend the entire shift in the same building.  So tomorrow I'm not even going, just heading straight to commerce to see what's there to see, I guess.

It's not that things are miserable...they aren't.  I just find myself, for the first time in a while, completely disinterested.  I'm not really having fun, I'm definitely not winning any money, and therefore I'm having a hard time putting up with the assholes I find around me day in an day out.  So I guess I have to change something, but that something isn't very obvious.  There is no where else to play, really, unless I want to consider the Hustler.  But that's just SO FAR away and the game is only 25 and you have no table changing options and yeesh I dunno.  I've also found myself very tired lately....like deep down tired, can feel your brain isn't really working tired, if you know what I mean, and that can't be helping.  So yeah, things aren't great in general.  A lot of this could be running stone flat for 500 hours (that's a long time to make no money), but I sense something a little deeper at work.  I sense that maybe I could be truly tiring of this, that playing 40 at commerce might just not be something I'm willing to do.  And if that's the case....well...I don't really want to dive into that can of worms just yet.