Another Update

I just can't seem to keep the train on the tracks these days.  Just when things were looking up (sitting on a $6000 win around 5pm on May 16th), they..well..change.  I sprayed off two racks before quitting that day, came in the next day and lost 5, then the next and lost 3 (all playing only 40 blessedly).  Two days ago I almost posted a huge number but ended up just winning a little, and yesterday I lost again, and throughout the entire time I've been able to feel myself "pressing" for, well, something.  I don't know if it's results or satisfaction or whatever, but I most definitely have not been letting the game come to me or  whatever and instead have felt sort of pressured and rushed.  So I took today completely off to try to get my life in order and just sort of reboot myself, and so far it's working splendidly.  I slept in, and have been just knocking things off my to do list all morning and am just feeling a whole lot better.  I think I need to try and do this maybe as often as once a week, just spend a day making sure everything in my life is up to date and not thinking about cards, because it really had been getting into my head.  I wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't enjoying (or even giving myself any) downtime, and in general just wasn't taking care of myself.  But I think I've got it under control now and am going to play the rest of the week without much issue.

In the "hilarious shit" category, I just looked at some numbers and the recent 100 bet loss has my lifetime commerce win rate setting at...wait for it....almost exactly -$100/hour.  That's right.  In the most important, critical game for all professional LHE players in the LA area I spray off 1.25 bets per hour.  Lifetime.  Is it a lot of hours?  No, not really.  Is it more than a few hundred?  Yes.  Is the game in my head?  For sure.  Do I just expect to lose with 99 when the flop comes A93r?  Yes.  So that's just not great, honestly.  I don't have much choice but to just keep playing (or become one of those guys who just always sits in the 60, which cannot possibly be correct, even though in that game lifetime I am just a crusher, winning 1.7 bets per hour), so that's what I'm going to do, but yeesh, I wish I could just kinda get thrown a bone here eventually.  Things like that make it so easy to see why results really should just be ignored and I shouldn't talk about the stuff I talked about up top.  Like, if you can lose THAT MUCH for THAT LONG in a game, your results really are meaningless for the first, I dunno, like 4000 hours.  And after that you're still not really sure, because your play and the conditions of your game have changed so much that the number you have, while in theory somewhere near your PAST actual win rate, has very little to do with your future one.  So anyway, onward and upward I will fight, hopefully becoming a lifetime winner in the commerce 40 by, oh, let's set a goal of September 1st.