Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Starring "Orange Shirt Guy" and "Seven Duey!", with a special appearance by...LaMont Jordan

So I got seated yesterday around 1:30pm at a very good 20/40 table (my sessions have been starting later and later, something I'm going to remedy today). One of my favorite donators, "Orange Shirt Guy" was at my table and everything was going smoothly for a while. Orange shirt guy is an interesting villain, in that he has some leaks that are not standard for my game. While he cold-calls too much preflop, is way too loose on the flop (he will peel the flop with virtually any two cards in many situations), and often slow-plays his monsters (it's usually better to just go to war with them right away, especially against an aggressive opponent such as myself), he also has a tendency to bluff/spew multiple bets on the big streets. He will make hopeless bluffs, either as donks or check/raises, and will also hand-read horribly. As an example, he once check/raised myself and another opponent on the river after 2 bets had gone in on the turn (and I had bet/3-bet the flop) and the final board was:


With the final five giving him a queen high flush. It should have been pretty obvious that I had a full house there (never mind the fact that I was actually holding pocket 5s for quads), and his decision to check/raise was monumentally bad. First of all, if neither of us had it, the river was going to check through (he was first to act of 3) and he'd win the minimum. If one of us did have it, the check/raise would cost him 3 bets instead of the 2 he'd lose by betting out. Just an example....

So I'm playing with Orange Shirt guy and two other very bad players, when suddenly (against his character) Orange Shirt guy changes tables. I look to the table where he's gone and see one other confirmed MegaFish ("Seven Duey", so named for his penchant for raising 72 in any position and barreling off with it until the river) and notice a very buff, large black man who my gut has alerted me probably isn't a rock-star at this game (Any time I see someone who looks like an athlete at the table I assume he's not very good. Any time I see someone white or black I've never seen before, I assume such as well. So this guy had 2 strikes going in). I decide to eat my Bay 101 Cobb Classic Salad, then change to the table. I get called once but have just posted my big blind (it's a bad idea to change right after posting, as you have to post into your new game, and thus basically pay the blinds twice in a row), so I roll it, and get the seat about an hour after Orange Shirt Guy has left my game. I get a seat on buff black guys immediate left and shortly realize that I forgot my seat-belt.

The game is off the chain. Completely, 100 percent, with-out-a-doubt, off it. Seven Duey is in rare form, raising 50% of his hands pre-flop. Orange shirt guy is on his immediate left, cold-calling with practically any two suited, plus showing up with stuff like 87 offsuite after paying 3 bets preflop (trust me this is preposterously awful). A regular who is usually pretty tight, if straightforward, goes on tilt and spews 2 big bets to me on a Jack high flop with QJ (for one pair...I hold KJ and look him up after the action goes: he bets, I raise, he 3-bets, I cap because buff black guy is still padding the pot, he calls and smoke bets the turn....I call him down and MHIG). Then there is Buff Black Guy himself, who looks like he could actually break me in half with a small flick of his pinky. At first he was playing alright, just calling way too many hands and the like. After a while, though, he just went nuts. At one point he raised 8 hands in a row preflop, and bet most of them on multiple post-flop streets. I was in "The Jesus Seat", as it is known in the poker world, on his immediate left (I had actually slid over one seat to the right, toward the blinds, which is rare for me, to keep nary a chair between us...something in my gut just told me to play with this man). He offered me a drink, and at this point I still didn't know who he was (his drink of choice, curiously, was red wine with a shot of Grey Goose "to spice it up a bit, you know"). I'll note that in the 3 hours I played with him, he only had 2. Then there were the pots:

I 3-bet him with A9 suited. 7 of us see the flop of AQ9 with two hearts (I have spades). He bets, I raise, he 3-bets and I turbo-cap. 5 of us see the turn, which brings a small diamond, putting now four red cards on board. He bets into me again, and I turbo-raise. Seven Duey and Orange Shirt guy both take one off for 80 bucks, and I say to myself "just one time dealer. one time". She obliges, rolling the deuce of clubs. Seven Duey yelps in pain, Orange Shirt Guy shakes his head, and Buff Black Guy doesn't know what to do. I bet and they all fold.

I 3-bet him with AJo. The flop comes down QT4 all diamonds and I call one bet because there is a 3rd player in the pot (probably Seven Duey). The turn is a K, giving me the ace high straight but keeping the number of diamonds on board at 3 (I have zero). He bets, I raise, Seven Duey surrenders, he 3-bets....I clam up and just call. He could, you know, have a flush. River is the 9 of diamonds and he checks. My entire body screams "Bet you dummy, bet. He has no diamond and just might pay you" but I can't bring myself to do it. I check behind, and he rolls KT of clubs for two pair. MHIG.

Anyway, some I start to hear some murmmering, and eventually piece it together that Buff Black Guy is actually LaMont Jordan. He explains to someone that he got hurt this week and only had 5 carries. He explains how they're staying on the west coast because they have San Diego this week. He answers "I can't really talk about that....just look at the injury report" when asked if he's going to play next week. He is not pretending. He is actually LaMont Jordan. As a final gesture of good will, he offers to buy the table a shot. 7 players refuse, but I, no, I cannot. LaMont Jordan buys me a shot of Grey Goose and toasts "to poker". Right before hand he asked me my name and I said "Jesse". We shook hand with a "Nice to meet you, I'm LaMont". Then he played off his blinds, getting dealt pocket Aces on what was to be his final hand (turns out he played two more while stacking his chips) and won a monstrous pot (lunatics get paid well when they have the goods). He tried to have the floor call him a cab, but someone actually offered to give him a ride, which he accepted, and then he was gone.

I left up 1500, over half of which could be directly attributed to him. He was a very nice guy, and great for the game. If I ever see him again, I'll table change immediately. The funniest part was that nobody else really seemed to know who he was, and if they did, they didn't seem to much care. He went virtually unnoticed for hours.

Only one good part of the story has been left out....shoot me an email or PM on 2p2 and I will gladly share it with you :)

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