In Which I Go Off

I'm probably about to go off.  I'm not completely sure, and it definitely won't be for the entire post, but I am almost certainly going to tell a bunch of stories and will likely very agitated during them.  So here we go, probably in roughly reverse order.

I am home "sick" today because yesterday was such a disaster (more on that next) that I decided I absolutely had to take a mental health day.  So I'm trying to relax, but really what I'm doing is catching up on all the life minutiae that I just no longer seem to be able to control.  Laundry.  Office is a complete mess (so much so that it has two separate entries on the to do list, one that would indicate "acceptable" and another for "above and beyond").  Super scary exclamation point warning light came on in my car last week (I finally checked the manual last night and it said "pull over and call the dealership" so driving hundreds of miles on it probably wasn't the best thing to do...I tried to take it to Midas but as usual I waited until the last minute and they were just jammed, so it's at the place down the street that up-sold me on tires a few months back getting a look see.  they gave me a ride home, and as the guy was pulling away I realized I didn't have my keys.  fortunately I had also two wrongs make a right left something unlocked on accident...anyway that's going to be bad).  Work on my speech for Chris's wedding.  Actually RSVP to the other weddings.  Try to buy wedding gifts (lot of wedding stuff here).  Try to get my new SEP IRA linked to my other accounts.  LOL Boxs is actually on the list.  Grocery shopping.  You know, just all manner of that "stuff" that I guess most people do on a day to day basis but that I just haven't really been keeping up with.  Anyway, so it's already 2pm and I guess I'm going to make some good progress but, now let's go back to yesterday.

I started the day at Commerce being shut out of the 60.  I got there at 9:10am and was third up.  15 minutes later, I'm not even kidding, there were 7 names on the board.  Kim didn't get into the main game until I quit it at 2:30pm.  Why did I quit it?  For the sake of doing something tricky, obviously, for which I was max punished.  The next 4 players to move into my game from the must move were some form of winning professional, so I decided that even though my game was good and I had a good seat, I'd probably want to bail in an hour or two anyway and therefore should take the opportunity to snake into the now forming 4th 40/80 game (I had listed myself right after a super fish walked in at 2:15pm).  Jack calls down the game, but by the time it can form there are two seats in game 3!  So I play til my blinds in the 60, during which time someone already claims my seat (and moves his chips into my spot!) and they move Kim over from the must move into the empty spot.  So I can't change my mind, and that sorta pisses me off but whatever.  I get into the game with my super fishy "friend," who truth be told is a real asshole, but everyone is leaving and I only get to spend like 90 minutes with him in the game (which isn't even that good) before getting moved to one of the two main games.  During this time I lose two racks with all manner of stupid shit happening, bringing the losses right to the edge of what I'm truly comfortable with for the day, around $4000.  By truly comfortable I mean a number that doesn't really cause me much stress.  That number used to be $800.  Then it was $2000.  Now it's really something like $3500 or so.  Anyway, now I'm in a very mediocre main game (the other game is better but I'm 3rd up to change) and am just about to quit when I get word that the bike 40 is out of control and I should consider heading over.  So of course I do, and of course I get punished for another 2.5 racks in just under 3 hours of the just the most amazing texas hold 'em game you could ever want to see.  The whole time, however, I was playing bad.  I wasn't making river folds that you just have to make, I wasn't thinking through my actions, I was coming in a few pips too loose preflop, things just weren't going very well.  I was aware of it, but I kept telling myself I could compensate, I could come out of it, and that the game was so good it didn't matter.

I can't believe I still do that stuff, 4 years in.  I literally should have just stayed put in the 60 and if the game got bad, just quit.  But I didn't.  I tried to get tricky, things went poorly, and since I'd been ignoring my own mental well being for close to two weeks my tilt armor was dangerously low and boom, max punishment AND the feeling that you could have prevented it AND were playing bad and it just sucks.  So that's where I am now....on the couch, wishing I hadn't played since Friday.

I was going to tell some stories about people getting wires crossed (thinking they are value betting when they are actually bluffing because I mean really what the fuck are you doing man) or Mr. Lee saying to me "if you call me mosquito, I fuck you" at the table (this one was kind of funny, because I got to call the floor man over and elegantly explain what had happened, asking if it was ok, during which I managed to say the phrase "fuck you" to, but not really to, Mr. Lee at least five times) but I just don't have the energy.  Day off, August starts fresh tomorrow, adios.