Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Great White Hope

First of all, poker has been meh this week. I basically won back everything I lost in that awful awful Saturday on Monday and Tuesday, and have just been slowly bleeding Wednesday and Thursday. The month ends tomorrow, and I'm hoping to post a solid number just so I can have it looking back at me on the screen in my spreadsheet. I'm kind of questioning a lot of my standard plays again recently and well, I dunno, that happens when you break even for a few hundred hours I guess.

But on to more interesting things and the matter of the great white hope.

As many of you know, I play fantasy football, co-managing two teams with my father. He played back in the dark ages, when you only counted touchdowns, started two quarterbacks, made waiver wire claims on a white board in the break room, and somebody had to compile the scores using USA Today on Monday morning. We play in two leagues, one of which is rather competitive and another that is...not. Now before Danielle gets all up in arms about me dissing her league, I will point out that someone started Garrett Hartley last week and simply win the argument. He's a kicker, he hasn't played this year, and some asshole started him in week 3. Q. E. D. This league is mostly for fun and a little bit of pride, but this year has provided also a great deal of humor in the form of the great white hope. You see, this year our little league was once again in jeopardy of (or, from my point of view, joyously close to) dying off, and the commish decided to email even MORE of my old college buddies who don't want to play and some of her co-workers and to make a long story short we rounded up 10 and went on our way. But here's the rub; my friend Dwight said he'd play, but warned us that he'd never played before and might draft a little funny. You see, Dwight is gay, and as it turned out decided to run his draft board based solely on...attractiveness. He's also white and apparently doesn't have a thing for black men, so to make a long story short...well, here's a copy of the draft sheet. It should not take you long to figure out which team is his.

Player Team Pos.
Eli Manning NYG QB
Peyton Hillis CLE RB
Pittsburgh PIT DEF
Wes Welker NE WR
Owen Daniels HOU TE
Eric Decker DEN WR
Jordy Nelson GB WR
Toby Gerhert MIN RB
Danny Woodhead NE RB
Kevin Walter HOU WR
Stephen Gostkowski NE K
Jay Cutler CHI QB
John Kuhn GB RB
Greg Olsen CAR TE

Seriously, that's his team. And if you've been paying attention at all this year you'll notice that he's kicking ass and taking names. He's 2-1 and has scored the second most points in the league, defeating our sad sack line up of has beens and never was'es in week 2 (we started something like Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitz, Antonio Gates, Tony Romo, Jamal Charles and Cedric Benson, opting to bench Fred Jackson whom we drafted in the THIRTEENTH ROUND). So the great white hope lives on, in the form of a gay man from Tennessee who has never played fantasy football but obviously fines Eli Manning more attractive than Tom Brady.

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