Monday, August 8, 2011

High Energy Rant Number 207

OK we're probably not that many in, but it's got to be close. My primary goal is to rant against Commerce, but I have a few other points to make first:

First of all, the calendar has once again rolled to an even month, which means I am allowed to once again drag pots with impunity. For the calendar month I'm up almost $10k, erasing almost all of last month's losses. Plus they do continue to pay me, albeit it at a nearly insulting pace.

Second of all, and this is only sort of a rant because god fucking damn it the Pirates just don't have enough in the bag. My friend Kevin was right, I should have listened to him. He was sure they sucked and that we shouldn't care, but damn it, deep down, I wanted to care. I really did. About three days ago he sent me the cryptic text "LTJR", for which I had to ask clarification. The response was quick and brutal...."lower the jolly roger". And he's right, LTJR indeed. As an aside they are currently beating up on the Giants 5-0. Pete pointed out that his guys had lost 8 out of 10, which isn't much better than the Buccos of late, to which I responded "Somebody has to win I guess." The response came back "Yup, just like the Garden City 15/30 game."

Moving right along, it's 9:45pm and Danielle is nowhere in sight. She must really love that job....

So now that our preliminary ranting is out of the way, it's on to the main course, the one and only, always rant inspiring...Commerce Casino. I got off shift today at around 3pm and the games were just not that good. The 20/40 had freaking La Peste, DosXX, and BJ in it (three rock stars for that level) and the 40 wasn't much better, with me, a pair of HG props who probably win, MikeL, a couple of regs who simply don't play that bad, and the dream about to expire up over two racks all sitting around wondering what was going to happen. Well I looked into my crystal ball and saw exactly what was going to happen; the dream was going to pick up, the regs were going to realize that was their cue to exit, and within an hour I was going to be in an TERRIBLE game and have to drop down to 20/40, which at least wouldn't have Dos and BJ in it anymore. Well fuck that, I said. Let's just go to Commerce.

Such a fucking fail. I drive my ass over there and list myself for basically everything (8/16, 20/40, 40/80, and 60/120) and then set about bullshitting with numbnuts while waiting for a game of some sort to start. He and I agree that if we just sit at an empty table people will probably come out of the woodwork to play with us, since we both just spray chips left and right every time we sit in the Commerce 40, and lo and behold our prayers are answered and a new 40 is called down. We walk over and practically have to fight to get seats, as the chip runner has somehow already sold off like half her bank and is about to goto the cage for more battalions. Once she's done there are no joke EIGHT of us sitting around the table ready to gamble AT THE SAME TIME (I have to stress this is a god-damned miracle) dealer. We wait. One guy wonders off. A seat opens and someone is must-moved. Someone else wonders off, and it's looking grim. So what's the best thing Commerce could do right now?

"Attention players, new game 60/120 limit hold 'em!"

I swear to fucking god they started a must move 60. The dealer is just arriving and they are calling the fucking thing down and I just look at numbnuts like "are you kidding me" and he is just kind of numb to the whole situation because he sits here every day watching this freak show. I try to get a seat in the 60 but am told no, I'll be second up. O really?! comes my reply? Second up? You fucking ass clown you really think all those people are going to show up? Meanwhile back at the 40 game there is some hope of the game starting as the dealer has managed to sit down and shuffle the cards, so I turn to her and say "Let's go dealer, do you want a game or not" to which she replies, and I cannot possible make this up..."I don't know." She doesn't know if she wants people to play poker or not. She's not sure. She could go either way, really.

Somehow some way the deck is spread and we draw cards and I draw the cutoff, at which point the aforementioned fucking ass clown calls me for 60/120 (guess what? three guys didn't show up wow what a surprise) and my table is immediately perturbed as I announce my intention to flagrantly angle shoot them by playing only until my big blind, which is exactly what I do, winning one small pot by tag-fishing numbnuts into a state of utter confusion by checking back three streets in a blind steal.

So I head to the 60 (and honestly I didn't even really angle them, to be least I told them I was leaving) and it of course sucks (why do you think those guys didn't show up) and I again draw reasonable well (the small blind) and play about 2 orbits before deciding should go back to the 40. The game is now 6 handed and looks like just maybe it will survive, so I take my big blind and we play a lap or two before, on my button, the game breaks from 7 handed. Literally we are 7 handed, one guy walks, another guy walks, the floor comes over and takes 2 players to main games and boom, game broken. I've now been at the casino for about an hour and have exactly broken game status, a order of chicken satay, and a relish tray to show for my efforts. I attempt to play 20/40, but they are seat changing and can't get dealt in for 5 minutes, by which point a seat opens in the 40. So I walk over, wait patiently for the guy leaving to play his button, which he does expertly by open raising 83s. flopping a full house, and slow playing til the river (at which point the guy with the case 3 gives him 4 bets good lord I wonder what it's like). So now he's got a million chips that he can't rack up so I can't get dealt in an 6 of the 8 people at the table want a seat change so it doesn't really matter anyway. Eventually against all odds I get dealt into what is actually still a must move game, play for another hour, and decide to go home up a little bit by way of a superb ace high call down.

That is all.

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