$500/day is A Lot of Money

So I'm playing the Commerce 40 with this guy yesterday and he's just a fucking gem. They really don't make 'em like this anymore, that or they still do but they are all hiding at Hustler (which is what I hear, but every time I go there the game is shit AND I can't even get into it but that's another story for another time). Anyway, he's just fish-botting his way through literally every pot, calling preflop well over 70% of the the time so long as it's been raised less than twice, and eventually seat changes specifically so that I can Jesus seat him. I mean really, it doesn't get any better than this. Now of course I'm losing because it's the Commerce 40 and winning pros just 3 bet second pair on a 3 flush board hu for straight value and get there every time (nice hand sir, nice hand), but that's not really the point. This guy is having a rough go of it, and as is occasionally the custom of people have completely lost touch with reality he decides to attempt to strike up a conversation with...me. And who could blame him, really? He's a 45 year old Asian man with 7th grade English skills, a debilitating gambling problem, and $600 in chips on the table. I'm playing 40/80 at Commerce, so we must have a great deal in common. In fact, we're very likely kindred spirits!

So anyway he starts chatting me up and it literally takes like 75% of the total mental effort I can conjure not to appear outwardly and obviously offended. I mean, I really shouldn't be bothered by something like this, and I do my best to provide good customer service whenever I can (especially when I'm on the clock), but sweet Jesus what the fuck is this guy thinking? Does he really believe that I give even a rodent sized turd about any of the countless inane topics he could attempt to discuss with me? Does he truly believe that he and I are the same in any way whatsoever? It's just so difficult to believe that the answer to either of these questions could be yes, given that the man has actually managed to keep himself alive for over 40 years that you need to look for other options. I mean, I get that he doesn't really understand that the only reason I am in the building suffering all these idiots is to prey on his idiocy, I really do. But can't we just leave it at "who do you like in the superbowl" and not go any deeper than that? For fuck's sake...anyway....

The conversation quickly becomes truly hilarious. First of all, he wants me to sympathize with how difficult it is to avoid the pit games because of how much fun it is to play them and how much you can win. On this point I cannot really agree with him. Were I on top of my game I would have fabricated some hilarious stories about five figure runs banking blackjack switch, but like I said I am using 75% of my total strength just to not call the guy a buffoon. So really all I can say is that I don't really play pit games, and he doesn't really understand that. He presses me a little, confused how I could not be drawn to them like moths to a bonfire. All the while, mind you, he's playing every other hand and typically losing in very straight forward fashion. I reiterate that I really "only play this game" and we eventually move on to more of him talking about himself, which is what this entire conversation is about anyway so I figure that's good because that means we might be closer to, you know, finished. The next thing he talks about, however, is how he used to be a big chaser, used to get himself hurt really bad, but now is able to "take the loss" and walk away. I nod in agreement that this a good thing, thinking merely sweet lord lock the doors don't you dare quit this game. He then goes on to tell me that he played the HG 20 game every day for 6 months, and literally every single day would win a rack and quit. Every. Single. Day. "$500/day for 6 months...that's a lot of money." At this I can only chuckle and agree because the man has a point...that is a lot of money. Like $50k, actually. And I'm sure he's exaggerating a little bit, but to be honest with the way he is playing if he's willing to go 8 or 10 racks deep just to win one I don't doubt that he could succeed very very frequently. So anyway as I'm marveling to myself at just how ridiculous and wonderful of a construct this "limit hold them texas poker" really is and how rigged the HG 20 truly must be if this man could take even half or a third as much money out of it as he's claiming, the narrative continues. Apparently just last week he was banking like pai gow or some other monstrosity and lost...wait for it...thirty. six. thousand. You read that correctly, but go ahead and check it again. The man lost thirty six thousand american dollars (that's a wad of benjamins thicker than some pillows I own) in one night playing...pai gow poker. I am...stunned. But there is little time or reason for me to say anything, because the narrative has reached it's climax. This is a new year, he says, and he has learned his lesson. He's not going to chase any more. He used to lose $100K trying to win back the first $50k, but no more of that. No no, he's going to protect his bankroll, because if you don't have any money you can't make any money, and if you can't make any money you aren't anybody at all. As he's finishing up he turns over A7o to chop a pot with ATs on a JTT-J-J board and I am left in sheer awe of all that he is; a stunning, breathtaking, clueless, well funded idiot. What a country.