Never Dispute a Charge Before You've Had Your Coffee

Or in my case, your iced tea. I woke up this morning and had a couple of simple "life things" to check off my to do list. As an aside, only poker players refer to the real world as containing "life things." As an example I asked The Big Potato a few weeks back why he hadn't been playing as much recently. Did it have to do with his stupefying 60/120 loss in a game with the woman he and I refer to as "legend lady?" Nope, he assured me, he just had a "life thing" come up and he'd be back at it soon. Examples of "life things" could be "caring for your children" or "celebrating your 20th wedding anniversary" or merely "getting your oil changed." Nonetheless, they are all simply "life things" when discussed amongst other poker players. It's easier that way. So I'm doing my life thing which involves logging into some financial accounts and making a phone call and I notice a pair of charges made against my Visa Check Card, AKA the debit card for my bank account. I never use the thing, like seriously ever, but as is often the case when I see a strange charge on one of my cards (in fact, every time except twice in my life) I'm hoping I can remember what exactly these charges are anyway. A good friend just had an issue with a stolen card and so I was kind of on high alert anyway, but nonetheless I stared at the screen for a full 2 minutes, devoting every one of my brain cells to conjuring whether or not there was any chance whatsoever that I authorized a $599.99 charge (and subsequent $18 dollar one) four days ago to a furniture distributor in Dubai. My un-caffeinated brain eventually came up with a resounding "no way man, just no way" and so I called my bank and told them I had this bogus charge and they were super helpful and got it all squared away very quickly. I then posted a status message on gchat that "lol some azzhole in dubai charged $600 to my debit card" and was ready to get on with my day. Cue the Babar:

BBB: the jesse

10:55 AM the 600 from dubai is your cake deposit

at least it was for me

just seeing your status

anyway how are you?

10:56 AM me: holy shit

i fail so hard

10:57 AM BBB: yeah

didn't it occur to you that it's the only thing for $600 you'd bought recently?

me: well the charge was $599.99

BBB: silly online poker noob

i hope you didn't dispute it

yet

me: i already did

11:02 AM me: fml

6 minutes

11:08 AM me: i play so bad

i sat there and stared at the screen for 2 minutes

11:09 AM "What could this be what could this be come on remember jesse remember"

nada

BBB: lol

11:10 AM me: DUBAI

Merchant Category: Misc Home Furn Spec

BBB: how do you think poker sites get around all the governments that are constantly trying to fuck them

it's not going to say ILLEGAL GAMBLING CAKE POKER on your credit card statement

11:11 AM me: they'll probably shut down my cake account

like, i would if I was them

"This idiot disputed our sketchy charge!"

11:12 AM

i'm going to the gym where I'll feel smarter than everyone else ttyl

I called my bank and got them to cancel the dispute, hopefully soon enough that word never even gets to Cake. The morale of the story is either "don't be retarded" or "monitor your drug intake carefully before disputing financial statements." I'm not sure which to be perfectly honest.