A Poker Hand is a Conversation

First of all, I have to give some credit to (I think) DougL for inspiring this post. He explained on 2p2 once very elegantly the conversation that was going on between two limit hold 'em players during a hand. All hands are a conversation. Some are short, some are mostly one sided, but some are extremely animated. Here is a hand I played last week annotated to explain the conversation my opponent and I were having as we launched bet after bet into the pot. As with any conversation based on conflict, there was a great deal of miscommunication.

Full Tilt Poker $2/$4 Limit Hold'em - 6 players
The Official 2+2 Hand Converter Powered By DeucesCracked.com

Pre Flop: (1.5 SB) Hero is BTN with 9 9
3 folds, Hero raises,

Jesse says: It is my button, and I would appreciate it if you would kindly relinquish your claim to the pot.

BB responds: It is your button, and sadly you did not mis-click the fold button.

1 fold, BB calls

BB says: My hand is not terrible, and yours probably is.

Jesse responds: I see that you also did not mis-click. Very well then.

Flop: (4.5 SB) 9 7 J (2 players)
BB bets,

BB interrupts: Pear!

Jesse responds: I see that you have flopped a pear.

Hero raises,

Jesse says: I can beat your pear. At least probably most of them.

BB responds: You want a free card?

BB 3-bets,

BB says: Tough shit. I have a big pear and will mock you as you call me down with tens.

Jesse responds: I see that you are quite enamored with your pear.

Hero calls

Jesse says: Very well then, I will call you down with tens.

Villain responds: Thank you kindly.

Turn: (5.25 BB) K (2 players)
BB bets,

BB says: Again thank you for the chips.

Jesse responds: This asshole has no idea what's about to happen to him.

Hero raises,

Jesse says: Suckah!! I do not fear your pear!

BB responds: I see you can defeat a pear.

BB 3-bets,

BB says: You see though, the thing is, I have way more than a pear. I have two pear!

Jesse responds: Oh. That sucks.

Hero calls

Jesse says: I see that you have made a straight. I will do my best to fill up on the river.

BB responds: This is so awesome.

River: (11.25 BB) J (2 players)
BB bets,

BB says: That's a fantastic river card. I hope you raise me with AK.

Jesse responds: I see you still have a straight, which is unsurprising. You should have checked.

Hero raises,

Jesse says: Suckah! I filled up just like I told you I was going to. Pay me.

BB responds: I can't believe this retard just raised me with AK.

BB 3-bets,

BB says: I have jacks full.

Hero calls

Jesse says: Maybe you don't.

Final Pot: 17.25 BB
Hero mucks 9 9
BB shows J K (a full house, Jacks full of Kings)
BB wins 16.5 BB
(Rake: $3.00)

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Bad Beat

A truly horrific, monkey-tilt inducing bad beat has many important components. While a few may be lacking, in general most are present in most of the horrendous beats I seem to take. These beats are not simply the most probabilistic disasters, but rather depend on this amalgam of features to send me directly to monkey-tilt. Here are the 7 key features.

1. Back Story

To advance to monkey-tilt you need to be close to it already. It's not a quantum leap. If things are going great all day and you're up 3 or 4 racks and all of a sudden a guy runner runner gutter gutters your set from one pair, you'll probably be able to shrug it off. If on the other hand you've been getting bludgeoned for 3 hours and have already taken your share of ridiculous ones, you're qualified to advance to monkey tilt. Other extenuating circumstances fall into this category. For example, you could have just had a frustrating phone call with a significant other, or this could be your first or last hand of the day.

2. Insane Mathematical Properties

While I did say the beat need not be a complete black swan, the more amazing it is the more likely it is to induce monkey tilt. Somebody making a gut shot on the river really doesn't phase me much. My 99 getting bet/3-bet 3 streets in a row by KJ on a J97-K-J board (which happened two days ago) on the other hand, was a little much to take.

3. Putting in an Extra Bet Good

This always seems to get me. If my opponent makes some sort of play at the pot and I don't just shrug my head and call down, but instead put in an extra raise, it hurts even more. I didn't just play the hand well; I fucking owned the guy. But somehow he found his card anyway. That really pisses me off.

4. Idiotic Play by a Third Party

In the games I play bad beats are often a team event. I'm in there betting and raising all the way with top top, and some random Asian guy drinking a Corona is just calling everything I can throw at him, and we get to the river and POW he has made his one card idiot end of the straight and I'm sitting there wondering why this dealer kill me all the days. Then the guy who cold called me with QQ (and promptly called like 3 big bets of action post flop) laments his own bad luck, when in fact his idiocy cost me the pot.

5. The Bad Pay Off

I'm trying to reduce the frequency with which I do this, but you really have to know your players well. Sometimes players get there, and you just KNOW they got there, but in the fantasy world inside your brain you believe they COULD be bluffing because everybody bluffs sometimes, right? Well no there are guys who never, ever bluff, and especially don't bluff often enough for you to call down their turn check/raise in a 6 bet pot when the board just paired.

6. Size Matters

Obviously the bigger the pot the more monkey-tilt points you score. Yesterday I was at a juiceball 20 game and limped the 76 of hearts behind another limper. When it got back to me it was 6 ways and the other 5 players had put in 2 bets, so I 3-bet. Someone capped it and we took a flop 6 ways for a rack of chips. Of course I turned a second pair, check/raised the field, and then had to fold to YS's river donk (see 5) when the flush came in. He had 32 of clubs. Monstrous.

7. The Sense of Impending Doom

Sometimes you flop a hand so powerful that you actually take a second to figure out how on Earth you could possibly lose. It's sort of like a puzzle, really, and we all like a real puzzle. When this happens and you actually take the beat, well, it just sucks really.

An Example

I took this beat last night, and it scored well in 6 of the 7 categories above. Without further adieu:

Full Tilt Poker $2/$4 Limit Hold'em - 9 players
The Official 2+2 Hand Converter Powered By DeucesCracked.com

Pre Flop: (1.5 SB) Hero is UTG with A Q
Hero raises, 5 folds, BTN calls, SB calls, 1 fold

Flop: (7 SB) K Q Q (3 players)
SB checks, Hero bets, BTN calls, SB calls

Turn: (5 BB) T (3 players)
SB checks, Hero bets, BTN raises, SB calls, Hero 3-bets, BTN calls, SB calls

River: (14 BB) J (3 players)
SB checks, Hero bets, BTN calls, SB calls

Final Pot: 17 BB
Hero shows A Q (a straight, Ace high)
BTN shows K 4 (a flush, King high)
SB mucks A A
BTN wins 16.25 BB
(Rake: $3.00)

Up until 5 minutes ago I was playing on five (5) full ring 2/4 tables. I have closed the rest of them and this is the last table up and running. The reader will note that I am under the gun, and that this is therefore literally my last hand of what was a 300+ hand session. I am stuck something like 25 or 30 bets going into the hand, which is mildly irritating. Criteria 1 is met.

Upon seeing the flop I actually paused and said to myself "Thank goodness, I'll get a little back here". Really what I was thinking was that it sure would be nice to win a nice pot as I walked away from the tables and started to get ready for bed. How could I possibly lose this pot? I started looking and could only find a few hands with even 4 outs (there are no open enders, as I fill up on the aces) at gut shots (against which I obviously have a massive redraw) and pocket pairs with 2 outs (also against which I will be able to redraw). Unless somebody has flopped a full house my equity on this board is probably north of 85% against 2 opponents! Sense of impending doom? Check. Insane mathematical properties? Double check.

What exactly was the retard with AA doing in this hand? Did he cost me the pot? Probably not. Did he butcher the hand beyond all recognition, thus forcing me to use brain cells to answer the previous question? Damn straight.

Extra bet? Sort of. I get raised on the turn here, which in live games almost certainly means a straight or lol slow play of a full house. But online it can mean all sorts of things, including "I want to win this pot with 7 high!", and even if I was against a straight I have outs to boat up and probably won't even get capped. So I 3-bet the turn and somehow the guy with AA still just kept calling along (he put me on ace king obviously) and managed to turn a big pot into a gigantic one. Size matters? Check. Extra bet to viciously own guy into putting 3 bets into a 6 bet pot with about 8 outs? Check. Ditto for guy with 1 outter? Check. Lose anyway. Check.

So as you can see, this pot scored a resounding 6 out of 7 on the monkey-tilt inducement chart, making me grouchy enough that I forced Danielle to watch it play out on HEM's replayer. The only way I could have gotten to seven was by somehow paying off a raise on the river. Rest assured, I was prepared to go that extra mile.

45 Minutes at Commerce

So I roll up a tad early and get a seat in the third 20/40 game at 12:15. Stan and Josephine, an older married prop couple who've been at this for literally twice as long as I've been alive, are seated in the 7 and 8. Stan is a super nice guy whom I've been playing with over the past few weeks. He's always telling stories, and he's got a few great ones. He was here when Todd Brunson showed up 25 years ago and was playing the 200/400 game, and he's propped all over the city and really there probably isn't a single thing he hasn't seen. Stories about games delicately (and not so delicately) built around live ones, why the rake is so high, you name it he's seen it. He also likes to talk about players who say "The pot's big enough" on the river, and how many bets they miss. All in all a great guy to play with who seems to have decided I am a new shark in town. Anyway....The 6 and 9 seats are open. Obviously I slide into the 6 and Josephine asks me if Im the young man from San Jose. I respond that I am a young man from San Jose,but that won't be true for much longer. We smile and she asks if I'm taking the big blind. I do and she gets no cards as he has an out button. "those are my cards, so let's see what you can do with 'em" she says. Stan jokes that "He's not as good a player as you Jo" and she says "Aw that's not what he said before. Said you're an excellent player. A hell of a player". I cringe at the praise and offer my party line "now be careful Jo that's how rumors get started".

In the mean time a red faced Asian man of slight build and middling age (and sole proprietor of 2 Coronas) has opened the button. I call with the A7o and declare "I guess we'll see"

Q83cc

Nothing like an ace hi call down to start your day off right.

3h

That seals the deal. I call once more.

4c

He turbo bets and I turbo call. He shakes his head and says "nice call" an mucks his hand. Stan grins knowingly and after my hand is safely in the muck (I never had to show) I confirm to him "Ace high is hard to make right?". He laughs, knowing his wife mucks that hand on the flop.

So we play a bit more and on my small blind a pot breaks out. The Asian thief from above opens the LJ and is promptly called by Red Sox hat (yes the Bay regular), the CO, and the button. I behold the gem that is 99 and a voice in my head screams "pocket 9s do not play well first to act of 5 in a bloated pot!" I say "yabut pear. i has pear" and 3-bet. Hot and cold equity wise my play is unassailable. I just must play like a ninja post flop and make fewer mistakes than cold call nation has already by putting 3 bets into the pot with whatever dominated hands it is that they have. Jo folds the BB but everyone else calls....8 big bets 5 ways already and I pray to the God of lowball.

642r

For once my prayers are answered. I bet, theif calls and Red Sox hat raises. He usually played the 40 at bay and my read on him is "not super awful". Like I don't have a ton of hours and haven't really played with him since pre GC propping so like Halloween but my thought is that he's not insane. Lol oops. Sick read Jesse, sick read.

Both CO and button call, I 3bet, and everyone calls. We are now 15 big bets in and I has one pear. Of 9s. There are no safe cards in the deck, as I have Red Sox hat on 77-99

7d putting a FD.

I bet because I'm bad at poker. Thief calls and Ref sox takes us upstairs. HJ calls all in for 3 chips, button folds, and I tank fold. He can't expect me to ever fold, so I probably should....thief mucks and the river is dealt.

8

Red sox hat unveils A5dd. He got there, and I saved $80 because of my horrific fold. The all in player produced only two broadway cards for a busted flush draw. I cringe inside and resolve not to build $700 pots and bet fold in them.

So moving along next orbit I defend A9o against Jo's CO open (she changed seats and Stan left for the lowball...the two of them almost never play in the same game, in fact I think that's why she was sitting out). The flop is AK8r and she checks behind. Alarm bells should be going off, and they are, but I turn a 9. So I bet and she just calls. She raises the river brick and I call cause she COULD just have flopped A8 I guess but no she rolls KK. Not sure if I saved $20 or $60, but eithe way...She's lucky Stan didn't see that one :)

So next orbit it folds to me on the button and I open AJdd. It's really not fair to have a hand that strong on the button but neither is life. The thief (who has changed seats and run out of Corona) defends and the flop is:

T92ssc

He tank calls. I resolve to showdown because he tank called. He has no pair.

3c

I bet planning to call a raise. He insta-raises and I don't flinch. Let's pause to discuss something here. When you semibluff, it's best to have "the draw" on an only semi wet board. On the sloppy wet almost any 2 cards have a gut shot with 2 flush draws board, let's be honest. I'm never folding Ace high. Not to drunk Asian gambler man. Maybe to white nit prop, but definitely not to drunk Asian gambler man. This guy reminds me of Uncle for crying out loud. To the river we go:

8d

Ouch. But at least it's red, and really as I said before there are no safe cards because pretty much any card on that river was going to complete SOME reasonable draw. I call his bet and he instamucka once again. A chuckle escapes Jo's lips.

The very next hand I open KTo in the CO. Asian thief defends his small and the big blind, a player of reasonable skills, calls.

Q96r

I actually check behind. This is a rare play for me but with aggressive players and a hand that would grudgingly call a c/r I decide to give it a whirl. What the hell.

Q96-8

Well how about that, a double gutter. Thief bets and the big blind folds. I call, considering the merits of a river bluff. There is no need.

Q96-8-J

He checks, calls my bet and for chips in one smooth motion. All this happened in about 45 minutes and left me up a health 20 big bets. I proceeded to play for another 7 hours and ended up at the best table I've seen in weeks, Jesus seating a pair of Armenian lunatics for 4 hours, and eventually left for the day up 65 bets, or a tad over 5 racks. Yahoo!

Two Very Strange Online Hands

I think I'll just post them and then discuss:

Hand #1
Full Tilt Poker $2/$4 Limit Hold'em - 7 players
The Official 2+2 Hand Converter Powered By DeucesCracked.com

Pre Flop: (1.5 SB) Hero is BB with 4 4
5 folds, SB raises, Hero calls

Flop: (4 SB) 4 K K (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets, SB folds

Final Pot: 2 BB
Hero wins 2 BB

Now I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but come on. How exactly did that happen? The guy raises preflop from the small blind, then checks and folds? There are really only 3 possibilities:

1. Misclick

2. After he raised he checked my stats and realized I was unlikely to fold enough for his 7 high barrel-fest to be profitable and decided to just give up.

3. Gremlins

Hand #2
Full Tilt Poker $2/$4 Limit Hold'em - 7 players
The Official 2+2 Hand Converter Powered By DeucesCracked.com

Pre Flop: (1.5 SB) Hero is BTN with K Q
3 folds, CO raises, Hero 3-bets, 2 folds, CO calls

Flop: (7.5 SB) 4 9 T (2 players)
CO checks, Hero bets, CO raises, Hero calls

Turn: (5.75 BB) K (2 players)
CO checks, Hero bets, CO raises, Hero calls

River: (9.75 BB) 9 (2 players)
CO checks, Hero bets, CO raises all in, Hero calls

Final Pot: 12.25 BB
CO shows A T (two pair, Tens and Nines)
Hero shows K Q (two pair, Kings and Nines)
Hero wins 11.75 BB
(Rake: $2.00)

This hand marks the second time in my life I have been trifecta'ed (check/raised on all 3 post flop streets) and also the second time I have won the hand. I was first the victim of the trifecta at Artichoke Joe's in the 15/30 game. I don't remember the hand specifically, but I know I flopped air with AK or AQ and runner runnered two pair. On the hand here, my opponent only had $1 left to raise with on the river, which is basically the reason I bet. It takes a lot of work to get trifecta'ed.

New Poker Line

When you talk about hands in limit texas hold 'em you refer to the actions you took through the hand as your "line". You can spell out a complete line in many ways using short-hand that probably is pretty confusing to a beginner, but really it's not that complicated. For example, someone might say:

"check raise the flop, then call down"

This is the same as saying:

"c/r, b/c, c/c"

Which just means to check/raise the flop, lead the turn, and call down if you get raised. It's a little unclear here what to do if the guy 3 bets the flop, but you get the basic idea. If your hand was a little better you could use the following pieces instead:

"c/r/4, b/3, b/c"

Which would mean to check/raise the flop and cap it if you are 3 bet, then bet the turn and 3-bet if you get raised, and finally just call a river raise. As you can see, there are lots of abbreviations and stuff here, but it all becomes second nature pretty quickly. Well I've developed a new line piece, which I employ on the river quite frequently with mixed results. It works like this.

I've raised preflop with something, and half the table has come along for the ride. I bet the flop with an over pair or top pair or some other good sort of hand, and most of my opponents have continued flinging chips into the pot because it's Commerce and hands don't actually start until the turn (the flop is just a practice round really....I'll write more on this at a later time). So on the turn the board is kind of scary but not horrific (because in situations like this it takes a truly horrific board for me to stop betting something that even resembles top pair) and I bet and get raised and find myself in the classic limit hold 'em dilemma. There are many chips in the middle of the table, and only one other player holds cards. In theory he should be bluffing some percentage of the time (however in practice at a live 20 game there are players who simply never, ever bluff), and I have a hand that looks pretty. In truth there is not much difference between my hand and bottom pair against most opponents, other than the fact that if they are bluffing they'd have more outs to defeat a pair of 3s than my pair of kings, but it's just not fun to fold because damn it I haven't flopped a pair in an hour this one is supposed to win! So I count down the pot and get something like 8 or 10 big bets and it crosses my mind that no matter how scary the board is he might have only 2 pair. Egads! If he only has two pair I have all kinds of outs. If he has bottom two my top top has 9 outs! NINE! That's like a flush draw, and we always call with flush draws right? I'm getting a way better price than that, so I can definitely call. But remember now, all this is predicated on the fact that the overwhelming majority of the time my opponent currently has me smoked like a fine cheese. And good players plan out their actions on the next street (or 2) well in advance and I want to be a good player, so I justify my call by using my new line piece. I will c/ttf the river. What is c/ttf you ask?

check/try to fold

It's really that simple. On the river if I don't improve (meaning I get to at least two pair myself) I will simply check to him and after he bets I will try to fold. There are so many ways I can win here. Sometimes he won't even bet and I won't have to try to fold at all. Sometimes there will be 2 people left and someone will raise and folding will be extremely easy. And sometimes if all those options fail he will bet and I will actually manage to fold. Here is a concrete example from today:

I opened JTs somewhere in the middle and ended up in a standard Commerce 4 or 5 way pot. I flop a disguised double gutter on a rainbow board:

K97r

And bet the flop. 3 people call, and we see a blank roll off on the turn, some sort of 3 or 4 that put up a flush draw. Now at the time I don't even know it yet, but there's a very real chance the ttf river line is going to be employed. Two players check to me and this is the decision point in the hand. Is there any possible way I can win this thing without turning over my cards? It's commerce, I have jack-high, and three of my opponents still have little rectangles of paper in front of them. Quickly my brain decides "nuh-uh" and I check hoping to take a free card. The one active player behind me plays nice and checks and I suddenly realize I'm going to have to use the ttf line on the river now. If I'd just bet the turn the hand would be pretty easy to play almost regardless of what fell on the river. If I got it HU I'd probably barrel UI, trying to win a by then large pile of chips. If it was still 3 or 4 ways the white flag would be raised. And if I rivered a pair of jacks or tens, well they'd probably both check to me since I'd bet the last street and if they did bet folding would be pretty straight forward. But what now? I've checked, and sure enough the river:

K97r-4-T

And the big blind bets. The other player quickly folds and I suddenly realize I've put myself in a spot where ttf is definitely the correct play. Dude is almost certainly not bluffing into 3 people on the river. That's just not how 20/40 players at Commerce roll. But I have second pair and I checked the turn! As a rule of thumb after a street checks through the functional nuts moves down one notch on the totem pole. Top pair was the nuts last street, but it checked through. Therefore, I have the nuts. QED. I call.

The guy behind me folds and the big blind turns over TT for the rivered set. I did ttf, and that's what really matters.